Celebrating 40 years of Mark

Dad wasn't overly thrilled about turning 40 (in fact he was downright grumpy about it), so we did what any good family would do - we totally ignored him and decided to host three 40 parties instead.

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While not in chronological order, this is a picture of one of our parties entitled family dinner night out. A night sans kids and chalk full of Etherington speeches (you were expecting something less??)

Now, this may be a bit boring to those you don’t know Mark (or for that matter, even some that do), but I wanted to include two speech excerpts.  I do this so that in another 40 years from now – or 40 years from 40 years – family will have these words to reflect back on.

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First up – Brian’s speech, which he entitled “A Very Proud Father's Remarks about His Son: Feb 18th, 2014”:

 

It is said that the most important thing a Father can do for his children - is to love their Mother.

Fortunately she has made this very easy because of her love and generous hearts for us all.

It is also said that it is easier to become a Father than be one. There is no manual - one progresses in a literal heartbeat into the world of parenthood. As a result - every Father undoubtedly has a number of regrets - I know I do - as we all have to learn on the job

During this  process , in the words of Robert Frost ,  generally: "Mother is the democrat and Father is the republican." .....and whilst aware of the general theme ....I hope that together we have shared the heavy lifting fairly.

Nothing has ever given me more joy and reward in life than being a Father to my children - and upon this , the occasion of Mark Kelly Etherington's 40th Birthday - let me say how proud we are of all his many accomplishments.

He is an exemplary Husband; loving Father; generous Friend; loyal business partner; impactful community leader and patient and forgiving Son.

He is fit ; tuned in; a quick study; smart and insightful.

In short he is everything that any Father can wish for in a Son.

Sir Walter Scott wrote: "How pleasant it is for a Father to sit at his Child's board. It is like an aged man reclining under the shadow of an oak which he has planted"

To know and love and work and laugh with Mark is a joy - and whilst hoping for many years of vibrancy together ahead - I know that a finer oak could have never taken seed.

Happy Birthday Son - from your loving Father.
 

 

 

Next up – Katie’s speech. 

 

I will warn everyone in advance that it is LOOOONNNNGGG, but that was the point.  To try to capture as much as I could about Mark Kelly Etherington.  I’ve edited out some parts that maaayyyyy not be family blog appropriate though...

 

MKE – 40 YEARS

Milestone birthdays offer a time of reflection, whether you want them to or not.

To help Mark reflect on his 40 years, I created a series of questions.  I thought we could spend an evening this past long weekend, sitting at our bar, glasses of wine in hand, talking about his 40 years.

When I finally got him to the basement (after what seem like a purposefully prolonged reading of Tank Warfare to Beej), he sat on the bar stool, crossed his arms and immediately complained about the room being too cold and about dinner being burnt (I had cooked it, so it was).   I then thought to myself, that he seemed oddly hostile about the evening I had planned.

This suspicion was confirmed after I asked my first question which was ‘What did your parents tell you about the day you were born?’.  His answer was “I’m sure they did tell me something, but I wasn’t paying attention.  I’m a guy, what do you want from me”

And just to add a final nail to the coffin, he added “Motivational speakers tell you that people like to talk about themselves. Well, I don’t.”

Unfortunately for Mark I was highly motivated and wouldn’t back down. Despite his sarcastic defenses I forced him to answer my questions… as well as eat his burnt dinner.

Now, starting from the beginning…

Mark remembers his house on MacDonald Road… riding his bike, blowing bubbles, the corner lot with the pool.  When I asked about his house on Whitney, he said ‘it was Rosedale, so it was big’. 

He talked about his room on the 3^rd floor with the high-tech Commodore Vic20 as one of the room’s prized possessions.  He also mentioned the draw and erase walls… where the draw part worked, but the erase part – not so much.

Shaker the dog also came to mind – described as a white mutt that was fun and also totally stupid.

His favourite toys as a kid were his GI Joe’s, Star Wars paraphernalia, Monopoly, Life and Gin Rummy with his grandparents.

Now, it took a good 45 minutes to get just those points out of him… and a glass and ½ of wine.  But the turning point came when I asked him about his grandparents.

He remembers them always being there.  Besides his fond memories of Georgian Bay, he recalled an incident when he slammed his finger in a door – and his Gramps came running over to see him to make sure he was okay.

His chores as a kid were to water the garden, garden and then garden some more (occasionally with some cleaning of dishes)

He fondly reflected on his summers at the cottage – canoeing, swimming and fishing with his family.  Time spent in Florida and trips to Banff.

Christmases, of course, were a full-day affair – and not dissimilar to the ones he celebrates now.  The only difference was that he would see his cousins every Christmas.  As the oldest cousin Mike was thought to be the coolest but ultimately Sarah was his favourite because she was the free spirit that he never could be.

And the best gift he ever received at Christmas?  It was a bike that weighed twenty tons but looked just like a motorcycle.

Both of his parents were disciplinarians… he indicated that his Mum would get more mad more often. But when his Dad got mad, it scared the sh***t out of everyone.  Both, however, were mad when he set fire to the garbage as well as when he drove nails into the neighbour’s car tires.

If you were to ask a 10-year-old Mark what he wanted to be when he grew up, he would have told you that he wanted to be an archeologist… to which he paraphrased as ‘dinosaur hunter’.

And once he told you about how into dinosaurs he was, he would also tell you that his role model growing up was certainly his dad.

One of the many fond memories of his dad involved a piece Brian wrote on ‘Remembrance Day’ – specifically why it is so important to ‘always remember’.  Mark had shared the writing with his teacher, who was so taken with it, asked Brian to come to the school to read it to the children.

Mark was very proud of his dad that day.  And he credits his fascination with war history to the same day… something that will likely be passed down for many generations to come (as Beej is already well on his way… and then some)

Another fond memory of his father was during one of the many long walks in the countryside that they would take in England.  Going past a farmer’s field Mark and his father came across a gigantic dung pile.  Effortlessly, Brian looked at young Mark and said “Now there is a real pile of bullsh**t.”

To summarize Mark’s early childhood years, he described himself as simply “A happy, thoughtful kid who wore terrible clothes and played with GI Joes.” 

Ironically, when asked to describe himself as a teenager, the description was similar “A happy, thoughtful teenager who wore terrible clothes, had equally bad hair but no longer played with GI Joes.”

He also described his teen life as ‘sheltered’

He said that his Mum (and Young Driver’s) taught him to drive – and that his dad wouldn’t get in the car with him until he had his full driver’s license.  The first car he drove on?  A jeep Wagonier… the first of many SUVs that he would own après license.  One of his favourites being the Jimmy with the Tasmanian devil on the back.  Why the Tasmanian devil you ask?  In his own words it was an analogy of the crazy man inside him trying to get out.

During those influential years spent at St. Andrew’s College, Mark only snuck out of his house once – and that was to attend a Barenaked Ladies concert, which I will assume had no bare naked ladies actually present.  He only recalls getting into trouble once – and that was when he slept over at Shil’s house and didn’t call his mum to tell her.

I asked him if he had a curfew.  He responded with ‘for the one day a week I actually was allowed out?’ Yes, I said.  He then couldn’t recall any curfew.  ‘well then’ I asked, what did you do that one day a week you were allowed out?’ He simply said ‘We drank’.

So, then moving on from the teenage years.

Now, if you were to ask 18-year-old Mark what his hopes and dreams were upon his highschool graduation, he said it would the following:

1.    Have fun at university

2.    Be wealthy

3.    Find some hottie

Like most young adults, Mark fondly remembers his university days.  With the exception of 2^nd year, when he broke up with his first real girlfriend (remember the sheltered part we talked about earlier… well, that came back to bite him in the butt). 

He indicated that this was one of the darkest times in his life. If only he was successful picking up girls during that cross Canada trip, where he feigned injury on the bike path??

Despite his roommates being in serious and deep committed relationships, a daily reminder of what he was missing, he eventually got over ‘nursie’.

Mark had many friends during his SAC and Queens days, many of whom remain his friends to this day.  But his best friends are, and will always be, his two brothers.  In his head, his memories and their memories are intertwined and he hopes they always will be.

Once again, terrible clothes and terrible hair continued to be the theme in university as everyone but me at this table can attest to. (go U of T, right Dad?)

And what did he want to do when he graduated?

Well, he secretly wanted to be a bum… i.e., go to Whistler for a year and ski. 

In reality he did indeed head west, but it was to Regina – where he went to a lesbian bar, played baseball and learned about the world of insurance.

Why did he choose the career that he did? Family of course.  That, and it was easy.  Lots of doors that were already open.

Now many, many moons later, does Mark like his choice of career?

Of course he does. Why? In his own words… “I am my own boss.  I get to meet lots of interesting people and ultimately the business is about helping people.”

When asked if he had any favourite stories about work, he said “When David Kerr said ‘yes’”.

And if he could do absolutely anything he wanted for a profession right now… any guesses? The Masters Tour of course. (surprisingly smutty book author wasn’t up there…)

Speaking of smutty, on to the romance section of Mark’s life.  Which I know none of you want to hear about at all.

I will be short, I promise.

Mark doesn’t believe in love at first sight, but does whole heartedly believes in “love really quick”… citing that he knew I was the one long before I ever figured it out.

What are lessons learned from his relationships?  According to Mark successful relationships are partnerships.  He feels you don’t need to be the same, but you do need to complement each other.  That and ‘yes dear’ really helps too…

What advice does Mark have for young couples? (advice removed to ensure content is family blog friendly…)

To keep this speech PG, that is all I have on romance.  Onto fatherhood…

How has being a parent changed Mark? Well, he feels like he reflects a lot more on the lessons that his own parents have taught him.

What kind of dreams does he have for Beej?  Like every parent should, he wants his child to have the best life possible. Specifically, he wishes Beej would wear better clothes (just say no to short shorts and speedos Beej), have better hair and a lot more game with the ladies.

When asked if he could hold on to just one memory forever, what would it be?  He didn’t hesitate when he said “An image of Beej laughing”.

If there was a message that Mark could give to his great-great-great grandchildren, what would it be?

Not surprisingly it is the same message that Mark gives to Beej every morning before he goes to work: Have Fun, Try Your Hardest, Be a Leader.  That, and buy insurance.

In terms of spirituality, Mark is a Christian.  He believes in God, he believes in Jesus and he believes that you need to be good to your neighbours.

One night as he was looking up at the stars in Georgian Bay, he knew that there was more to life than just ‘us’.  He has faith and he defines that faith as ‘an educated man, he has a lot of questions, but he always believes.’

If he were to meet God, what would he say to Him? “Dude, you rock.”

Who has been the kindest person in Mark’s life? It is not hard to guess that he would answer his mother.  He describes her as ‘the person who cares about others more than anybody’.

And how would Mark describe himself?

He said it would be exactly the way that Beth described him many years ago at our engagement wine and poem party at the Farm: Tall and Sappy.  He indicated that he would also throw “sarcastic” and “thoughtful” into the mix as well.

What important lessons has Mark learned in his life so far?

1.    Suck it up

2.    Happy wife, happy life

3.    Learn for yourself what is true

4.    Make your own decisions

5.    Be reflective

6.    Have empathy

Seeing as I was on a roll with my questions now and the wine had really kicked in, I asked “if this was our last conversation, what words of wisdom would you want to pass on to me?”

His answer was ‘don’t be so dark.  I don’t like that question.’

At that moment I knew my inquisition window was drawing to a close, so I asked one final question, namely “how would you like to be remembered?”

Mark wants to be remembered as ‘ a good guy’.  A good father, a good husband, a good son, a good brother. 

Excellent, exceptional, amazing, incredible, wonderful, marvelous… I would use those words as a substitute for his ‘good’.  Mark, in my eyes, you’re not just good, you’re the best.  And we are all truly fortunate to have had the opportunity to play an important part in your life during these last forty years.

Cheers to 40. I love you.